365 Days of Living the Dale Carnegie Principles
Day 11. April 5, 2011
I was at work with some associates when a discussion arose regarding another employee—named ‘McKinley Jones’. The discussion was whether McKinley would be the appropriate person to take on a new responsibility at work.
Now, before I took the Dale Carnegie course, I would have said something like this:
McKinley does a good job BUT…. McKinley doesn’t tend to come up with new ideas… if you remember, McKinley had a difficult time completing the last task… etc etc….
But now that I’m a Dale Carnegie graduate, I responded to my associates with these words:
It’s been my experience and I’m sure you’ll agree that McKinley is very good at following through on specific goals. I think McKinley is up to the challenge of this new responsibility and will do well. I am certain that if we clearly define the goals and tasks we expect McKinley to accomplish we will not be disappointed.
Now, to be clear—the second response did require some mental acrobatics on my part. I had to take a deep breath and think hard about my decision. I reached that fork in the road—where I could take the easy route of criticizing, condemning and complaining about an individual—or I could try a new, unworn path of finding the positive in an individual. I chose the unworn path.
The effect—I did not damage the perception of McKinley Jones – I pointed out the positive attributes that McKinley contributes to the company. Odds are high that when people think of McKinley they will think—that person is goal oriented. Give McKinley a task and it gets done. Period.
Imagine what the perception would be if I took the negative route to describe McKinley. People would walk away thinking, gosh, you can’t rely on McKinley to come up with ideas. Why is McKinley still here—or I sure hope I don’t get assigned to a project with McKinley. This perception would not only affect the office but it would affect McKinley in a negative way. McKinley would live down to the expectations.
The principle I used today (and was really proud of this huge accomplishment) is from Dale Carnegie’s book, How to Win Friends and Influence People:
Principle 1. Do not criticize, condemn or complain.
So remember, your words are powerful. They can affect the perception that people have of another person. Choose your words carefully and avoid criticizing, condemning or complaining about an individual. Focus on the positive characteristics of a person and that person will live up to the perception and expectations you have set forth. You will also demonstrate a higher level of maturity and discipline.