Day 115. I planned on making lemonade out of my disappointment.

365 Days of Living the Dale Carnegie Principles

Day 115.  Tuesday, July 19, 2011
This morning I woke up and prayed:  “Lord, I can see myself putting the Dale Carnegie books far out of reach and battling it out today.  Please help me.”

As I drove I did everything I could to convince myself that today’s meeting was not worth fighting over. I remembered Abraham Lincoln’s words—‘Don’t criticize them; they are just what we would be under similar circumstances.’

I chewed on the fact that they have not had the luxury of taking a Dale Carnegie course.  I can’t blame them if they don’t behave the way I want them to.  I have taken the course and with that comes responsibility.  I cannot bring disgrace to Dale Carnegie graduates or the organization.  I must behave.  I must remain calm under pressure. 

I touched my necklace around my neck with tiny fish dangling from it.  I wear the fish necklace to remind me of my first blog—the day I found a rotting fish on my lawn. 

I profited from my losses and made four new friends clear across the planet.

I amused myself that I profited from my losses that day.  When life handed me lemons I made lemonade (or rather, life handed me a stinky, rotting fish and I made a blog).

I amused myself that this past weekend I fearlessly cleaned up a water heater closet that was full of gecko poop and I discovered I’m stronger than I think.

I don’t how these thoughts clicked in my head.  I guess I figured if I could do those things I can handle this meeting. I resolved to be as professional, kind and accommodating as I could in today’s meeting.  I would be sure that my eyes would not betray me.  I will not shut down when they criticize and complain.  I will expect ingratitude.  I prepared for the absolute worst.

The meeting happened at the end of the day.    

The meeting did not go as planned.  The individuals in the meeting were quite pleased and more importantly—they were appreciative of the work I did.  They indicated my work exceeded their expectations. 

The Dale Carnegie principles I used in this scenario are from How to Stop Worrying and Start Living:
Pray.
Expect ingratitude.
Do the very best you can.
How to face trouble:
A.  Ask yourself, “What is the worst that can possibly happen?”
B.  Prepare to accept the worst.
C.  Try to improve on the worst.

To be clear—I’ve been waiting for this day for almost a year.  My workout at the gym last night was very intense.  I did everything I could to mentally and physically prepare myself for today’s carelessness and ingratitude.  I resolved that my best meant I had to be accommodating, patient and open-minded no matter what was thrown at me.  I put my heart and being into a project and I fully expected and prepared to get trampled on.  Instead I received a thank you. 

The lesson I hope you take from this story—the only person you can change is yourself.  Don’t expect others around you to change.  Don’t blame them for not changing.  Instead, figure out how you can adapt yourself to deal with the challenging people and circumstances around you.  Figure out how you can profit from your losses.  In my case—as I walked into the office I was fully prepared to leave at the end of the day with a story of how I made lemonade from the lemon of ingratitude I was handed. Instead, I was pleasantly surprised, grateful and relieved.  And yes, I celebrated by having dinner at my favorite Chick-fil-A

Housekeeping / Notes:
Thank you for reading my blog. 

Day 111. I was wrong about the talkative account representative who visited today….

365 Days of Living the Dale Carnegie Principles

Day 111.  Friday, July 15, 2011
I heard the ding of the bell from the other end of the hallway.  We had a guest in the building.   

This guest was Susan, our account representative from the U.S. Postal Service. 

She was here to meet with Marcy who is in charge of our shipping department.

I heard the two women talking in the other office as I worked on a marketing campaign.

I was struck by the account representative.  She was very perky and talkative.  The conversation between the two women was just small talk at first.  But then Marcy began discussing details.  Details like the best method for shipping products to Canada and the challenges of shipping overseas, etc.

Susan, the account representative listened to Marcy’s woes, offered suggestions and was absolutely perky during the entire process.  There was even an in-depth explanation of why delivery takes a little longer to Hawaii.  Susan actually made the business of shipping interesting.   

See! There's opportunity to apply Dale Carnegie's principles just about anywhere!

I was also struck by Marcy.  Marcy does more than run the shipping department.  She handles the customer service department—she’s the main point of contact with our customers via phone and email.  I was so impressed that despite her workload, Marcy cared about the details of shipping. 

While I’m detail-oriented in certain areas, shipping products is something I consider myself the least qualified to do.  I cringe when I have to exert energy by mailing an envelope. 

I imagined myself in Marcy’s shoes meeting with Susan.  I’d be horrible in that meeting.  I’d be short and to the point.  Marcy put enthusiasm and cheerfulness into her work. I imagined how the meeting would be different if Susan wasn’t talkative and perky—what a dry and boring meeting that would be!  Susan clearly puts enthusiasm into her work. 

Their meeting ended.  I continued working on my marketing campaign with enthusiasm by setting up the html code, the links and various other details.  Broken links have not happened on my watch and I do my best to make sure it never happens. 

The Dale Carnegie principles demonstrated in this story are from How to Stop Worrying and Start Living:
Put enthusiasm into your work.
Do the very best you can.

Today I was able to witness other people putting enthusiasm and care into their work.  It was inspiring and a marvel to observe.  I don’t care about shipping boxes.  But I do have the tedious responsibility of testing links in html code a couple times a week—so I can appreciate the work involved in shipping boxes.  To ship boxes successfully someone has to care—and it’s even better when they put enthusiasm into it by finding the most economical methods to save the company money. 

My initial reaction to hearing a talkative account representative in our building was uh-oh… another chatty Cathy in our building.  But then I realized she did her job well—she was interested in learning more about our needs and her chatty style was actually effective.  She put enthusiasm into her work. 

For my part—my personality is the complete opposite—I’m not so chatty—but I do get my job done and with enthusiasm. 

We all have our strengths.  When we apply our strengths with enthusiasm toward achieving a goal—we are able to achieve success.  It doesn’t matter if the task is shipping boxes, testing html code, running a corporation or performing surgery.  No matter the task or your station in life—do your best, put enthusiasm into it and success will come.

Day 102. The Smiling Daffodil almost went up in flames…until she employed some Dale Carnegie principles….

365 Days of Living the Dale Carnegie Principles

Day 102.  Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Everyone was on my last nerve today. 

I tried. I took a deep breath. I prayed. I listened to my favorite song again and again. I prayed some more. I immersed myself in my work.  And something must’ve worked.  Picture Niagara Falls turning into a tranquil, peaceful lake.  I was calm.

Don't be fooled by the calm... I see dark clouds coming!

Until the next set of interruptions….

“Smiling Daffodil, when is this event? What prize is next week? I need all the paperwork for XYZ by this Friday. I also don’t want any last minute requests from you Smiling Daffodil— I have a very busy month in August.” – said, several associates.

I’m a horrible person—because my thought process went like this:  It’s not about what you want.  Speak in terms of what interests me, silly!  Surely you have heard of Dale Carnegie. Use it on me! (I did not say these words out loud)

Disclaimer:  My reaction did not follow the Carnegie rules.   To paraphrase Abraham Lincoln, people are who they are.  We would be the same if we were in their circumstances.  Plus Dale Carnegie said we can’t expect people to change.  All we can do is change ourselves.

Just light a match and the office would have exploded because of my frustration.

I tried to calm down.  I prayed. I felt my heart pounding.  I think my face was red.  I repeated one of my favorite Dale Carnegie principles—expect ingratitude. Expect ingratitude.  EXPECT INGRATITUDE!

I even repeated just one line from the “Our Father” prayer:  “give us this day, our daily bread.”  I reminded myself that I should be grateful for my daily bread.  (also known as burritos and Starbucks).  I shouldn’t complain I don’t have a giant warehouse of food/money.  I have enough to sustain me.  There are people that would gladly take my job and not utter one complaint. 

I decided to immerse myself in my work… because frankly I was enjoying my work.  Today I was working on one of the greatest contests in the history of contests. (my opinion of course!)  Just thinking about it shifted my focus from irritation to happiness….

This blog will be a bit unconventional. I’d like to tell you that once I focused on working on my contest that my workday ended with roses, rainbows and butterflies.  But I’m a very stubborn individual.  I might have a small frame but I tend to behave like an immovable mountain.

I continued to pray on the drive home.  I even sang my heart out while being stuck in traffic on the highway.  I did my best to pull myself out of my box of frustration—telling myself that tomorrow will be better. There are ups and downs to life. 

I got home, ate my burritos and have since calmed down from a very long day at work.  I am not really certain if I can claim I succeeded at applying Dale Carnegie principles.  What I do know—thank God I have the Dale Carnegie principles to lean on when I have frustrating days at work or in life in general.  Bad days do happen—it’s just part of life—but having the right tools to make these days a little easier is quite a blessing. 

I am a stickler for following the rules to my own blog—so let’s pin me down on some principles I employed:

From Dale Carnegie’s book, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living:
Pray.
Do the best you can.
Analyze your own mistakes and criticize yourself.

I do think I did the best I could dealing with the 101 interruptions/requests today.  Unfortunately I fell a bit short… well maybe a lot short.  With more practice I might be able to handle these types of days a little better.  (I aim for incremental improvement—it’s an easier pill to swallow). 

If nothing else—I am profiting from my losses by sharing my struggles and how I deal with them with you my readers.  You’ll either think I’m nuts and find humor in it—or perhaps it will give you some perspective on areas in your life that you can appreciate more or even improve on. 

I am certain that we all have that tipping point where the day just goes from bad to worse.  Know that you are not alone in that experience.  Know that it is worth trying the techniques I used—prayer, doing the best you can, analyzing your own mistakes.  When you do this—your emotions and thoughts take a different, more constructive path.  I knew I was irritated—but I was also doing my best to find a creative and constructive way to calm myself down so that I would not lash out on anyone.  It took me awhile—but here I am… a nice, tranquil, peaceful pond… until tomorrow. Ha!

Housekeeping / Notes
Thank you everyone for reading my blog.  A special note of thanks to “Michelin Man’s Mom” I had no idea you were reading.  I am thrilled.  😉

Day 90. This story almost had an unhappy ending until I figured out how to make lemonade from lemons…

365 Days of Living the Dale Carnegie Principles

Day 90.  Friday, June 24, 2011

Preface:
I had a story about letting someone save face on Thursday—but decided to post a different blog topic.  In retrospect the “saving face” story was meant to be told today….

——–
I was talking to an associate on Thursday.  His face looked green—he seemed absolutely sick.  It turns out he made an expensive, careless mistake. 

Before taking the Dale Carnegie course I would have let the person save face.  But in my mind I would have been thinking… you careless fool!  Hope you learned your lesson.

Fortunately, I have taken the Dale Carnegie course and I handled the circumstance differently.  I let my associate save face—and I didn’t think anything ill of him.  I empathized with him and tried to come up with solutions to this expensive blunder. 

Friday was going really well—by the afternoon I had finished my primary task for the day and I was really proud of the results. I was confident—perhaps a little bold in thinking I had done a profoundly good job.  What a great day… I might have to revisit Mcdonald’s for a strawberry lemonade to celebrate.  (You might remember last Friday was horrible)

By the end of the day I had a list of blog topics that I felt were pretty stellar—and they were all very positive.  I didn’t have to make lemonade from lemons today!

Before I went home I analyzed some reports and realized one of my marketing campaigns did not do well.  Let’s be honest—by my calculations the campaign bombed.  It crashed.  It burned. 

I felt dejected as I drove home.  I worked hard on the campaign.  This was my baby.  My heart was in this campaign. 

Since it was my campaign—I felt completely responsible.  I felt sick the entire drive home.

 I tried to remember 99 percent of this day was great—but that darn 1 percent.  It made the entire day sour.  And now I’m facing the weekend.  I know I will chew on this failure the entire weekend. 

I knew I had to take quick action against my thought process.  I tried.  But I just wanted to crawl in a hole and hide for an extended period of time—perhaps a week…maybe a month…

I decided to review the facts.  Did I do my best?  Yes.  And I wasn’t trying to fool myself.  I really did. My team and I put extra effort into this campaign.  I went through each of the features we added to make this campaign something we were proud of.  I kept telling myself—I did my best.  I did my best.

Then I remembered Thursday’s events.  I did not point out, mock or criticize my associate for his expensive mistake.  Although he admitted he did not do his best—I did not participate in making him feel worse than he already did. 

Somehow I was able to piece together two isolated events to find my peace.

Whereas my associate was honestly able to admit he had not done his best—an honest analysis of my work does indicate my team and I really did do our best on the marketing campaign. 

Fight for your happiness. Work hard to gain a new perspective.

I smiled as I drove in to McDonald’s for dinner.  After all, today just wouldn’t be complete if I didn’t have my hard earned strawberry lemonade.

The Dale Carnegie principles I used are from How to Stop Worrying and Start Living: 
Live in “day-tight compartments.”
Decide just how much anxiety a thing may be worth and refuse to give it more.
Analyze your own mistakes and criticize yourself.
Do the very best you can.

I knew the potential disaster of me bearing the burden of a failure for the entire weekend.  I knew this was an occasion that I would have to fight for my happiness and not let circumstances beyond my control drag me down.  In the big picture—yes, it’s a shame the campaign did not do stellar.  But it doesn’t mean I have to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders or spend an entire evening or weekend dwelling on the matter.  If we slapped this project together without any thought, care or effort—then yes I would have reason to be disappointed in myself—but even then it’s not worth an entire weekend of feeling regret or dejection.

So, my lesson to you—always do your best.  It is true your best might not produce the results you had expected.  But I assure you that doing your best and falling short of success is easier to deal with than doing a mediocre job and living with the regret that you were too disinterested, distracted, lazy, etc to put effort into a task that you can be proud of.

Day 85. Put your heart into a task and you’ll benefit from the outcome

365 Days of Living the Dale Carnegie Principles

Day 85.  Saturday, June 18, 2011
I was listening to the radio on Friday and heard the forecast for Saturday was 104 degrees.  Yikes.  I decided the best thing to do was take cover from the heat. So I ended up at the office. 

You might remember my blog earlier this week about a pillow. 

The outcome of that pillow: 
Seth, Stefano and many other individuals loved the pillow.  I was truly touched. 

At the very end of the day I received “acknowledgement” for the pillow I made by the one person I desperately wanted attention from.  It hurt. 

In my heart I knew the moral of the story was simply to live Dale Carnegie’s principle:  “expect ingratitude.”  I do my best for myself and no one else. 

So today… my plan was to make another pillow—something entirely different.  It’s a bit ironic because I fled this office on Friday to have lunch just to get away from the building.  Now I was voluntarily going to spend my Saturday afternoon at this office to sew. 

Well—I made a mess of the entire sewing studio.  When I do a task I’m very…enthusiastic.  I put my heart into it.

Love what you do

The outcome of my afternoon… this heart pillow I made for my dad for Father’s Day.  (Granted being the marketer that I am—I will give it to him and take it back so I can use it for some marketing pieces.  Dear old dad will get the pillow back eventually….)

The Dale Carnegie principles I used today are from How to Stop Worrying and Start Living:
Put enthusiasm into your work.
Do the very best you can.

I created a pillow today not for the purpose of gaining approval, recognition or appreciation from the one person that denied it to me last time.  Instead I made it because I know I am capable and I loved making it.

My advice to you—pursue your interests whole-heartedly and don’t worry what other people think.  When you take these measures, you are true to yourself and the results of your effort will shine.

Housekeeping / Notes:
Daffodils fade but fortunately for you my blog posts don’t!  Be sure to check the archives / pictorial gallery for your favorite blog post or to catch up on what you missed.  Click to view.

Day 81. If what they say is true then I better live up to their expectations….

365 Days of Living the Dale Carnegie Principles

Day 81.  Tuesday, June 15, 2011
Preface: There are two separate scenarios that helped create one great day.

Part 1.
I walked in to my local coffee shop today and was greeted by “Stefano”. 

Stefano:  “Smiling Daffodil—you are creative and crafty—will you help me with this project?  There are some free Java Chip Frappuccinos in your future in exchange for your help.”

Surprisingly it wasn’t the free Java Chip Frappuccinos that caught my ear.  It was the perception Stefano had of me being creative and crafty.  Those adjectives aren’t normally used to describe me. 

“Of course I’ll help”, I replied.
—
Part 2.
This afternoon I sent an instant message to my coworker Seth.  

Smiling Daffodil:  “Seth, I realize there’s only one right answer to the question I’m going to ask you.  But I’m going to ask you anyway because I need the encouragement.  Should I try to make a project to help promote the new craft book?  The thing is—I doubt anyone will like what I create.  Is there any point in me trying?”

Seth:  “Smiling Daffodil—I think you should make the best “darn” pillow you can and not worry what anyone thinks.  I am certain our customers will like it.” 

So I stayed late at the office and I made the best pillow I could.  I doubted my sewing skills but I remembered Stefano from this morning who declared that I was crafty.  I remembered Seth who said our customers will like what I create.  I considered past successes I have had—from oddball photos for my blog to embroidered bibs to various marketing copy I have written. 

I am fully aware that when I put enthusiasm into a task—my heart goes into it and the outcome is generally good. So I continued to sew and piece together my project.

Blooming with confidence

The end result this evening—an original Smiling Daffodil creation:  a 3-dimensional floral lattice pillow.  This pillow will generate interest and create sales for a new book.  More importantly for me, it symbolizes a renewed confidence in my ability to create—to be crafty.  

The Dale Carnegie principle I used today is from How to Stop Worrying and Start Living: 
Do the very best you can.

I know what it is like to be discouraged and not receive the support you need from those that are in a position to give it to you.  But you must be true to yourself.  You must do the very best you can.  You have the choice to let people hold you back… or not. 

All I wanted for the last two months was to experiment with a new product—but I was waiting for an invitation that never came.  What I forgot was—I fuel my own enthusiasm.  I write my own invitations.  I determine my goals.  If I can envision a 3-d pillow then odds are I will figure out how to make it happen.  I needed Stefano and Seth to remind me of these things.

When you are true to yourself and you do the very best you can—you create your happiness and no one can diminish it.   

It is also worth noting that Stefano and Seth used one of Dale Carnegie’s principles from How to Win Friends and Influence People:
Principle 28.  Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to. 

– Thank you Stefano and Seth. 

Day 80. My interpretation of Dale Carnegie’s principle: “Do the very best you can”

365 Days of Living the Dale Carnegie Principles

Day 80.  Monday, June 13, 2011
I went to bed early on Sunday night.  I had a big day ahead of me.  I couldn’t sleep—I prayed Monday would go well.  What am I getting myself into having dinner with a friend whom I haven’t seen in years?  She’s made a remarkable life for herself.  And me?  How will this reunion turn out? 

Then I woke up stressed this morning.  What do I wear?  My favorite jeans are too faded and I can’t find a decent pair of shoes. 

I reminded myself that I am who I am and odds are my friend is exactly as I remember her.  That’s the reason I agreed to meet with her after all these years anyway. 

I left work at 5 pm to make my 6:45 pm dinner.  I underestimated rush hour traffic.  I had hoped to go home and freshen up but realized there wasn’t time. 

It was 100 degrees today.  I was a hot, sticky, oily mess.  What is this friend of mine going to think of me?  After all these years… and I still look like this?  To save time I went to Target to pick up some makeup and a face wash.  I scrubbed my face so hard it was red and the blemishes were bleeding.  ARGH.

I applied the newly purchased makeup.  It was for someone with fairer skin than mine.  I looked white as a ghost when I applied the makeup.  ARGH.

I was running out of time and now look at me… and now I might be late for dinner. I should have just gone home to freshen up instead….

I made it to the restaurant, patted down my messy hairdo and consoled myself—this is as good as it gets.  I am who I am.  I carried my humble plastic container with homemade cookies into the restaurant—not really sure if cookies are appropriate. 

What caption could possibly fit this photo? Fresh out of dignity!

When my friend walked in—all my absurd fears and concerns vanished.  She was the same person I remembered from the 5^th grade.  We looked at each other, gave each other big smiles—and marveled at how we looked like our mothers. 

Our meals were served and frankly we could have eaten cardboard or dirt and I would have been happy.  The hours passed as if they were minutes as we talked and listened to each other’s stories. 

I had planned at least 2 other blog topics today but when I sat down to write the blogs they just weren’t captivating enough.  That’s when I realized the only story appropriate for today is the one of me finding my childhood friend. 

The Dale Carnegie principle I used today is from How to Stop Worrying and Start Living:
Do the very best you can.

You might think this is an odd principle to attach to this story.  Let me explain.  I decided that doing the very best I can means being myself.

I wasn’t going to pretend to be something beyond my current station in life.  I work hard, I have a lot of passion for what I do—but my world isn’t anything particularly glamorous or prestigious. 

I didn’t get dressed up—not out of disregard for her—but really—I hate getting dressed up.  I was myself:  blemishes, messy hair, jeans, t-shirt and sneakers.  Judging by how quickly time passed with smiles, genuine conversation and laughter—we both did our very best by being ourselves… and it worked. 

So remember, quit trying to be someone you are not.  Be comfortable and proud of who you are.  When you take this approach you’ll find life is more fulfilling, people around you are far more interesting than you could ever imagine and the people worth knowing see beyond the superficial. 

 – Thank you ‘Lucilla’.

Day 63. Place your bets now: A short-term loss will pay off on Tuesday and beyond.

365 Days of Living the Dale Carnegie Principles

Day 63.  Friday, May 27, 2011
It was roughly 4:45 pm.  Everyone is in “vacation” mode because it’s a three day weekend.  I met with my associate and asked how confident he felt about the upcoming video we are shooting on Tuesday.

He sighed. “I’m not feeling very good about it,” he said. 

I paused. I weighed the options in my head.  I took a deep breath and said, “you know—I realize it’s the weekend and you probably have plans with your family.  But maybe we should work on Monday (Memorial Day).  If it means we will be more prepared for Tuesday, I’m all for it.  Because come Tuesday, we will be too stressed with final preparations that creativity will probably go out the window.”

My associate agreed. 

So on Monday, a national holiday, we’ll be working—getting final preparations complete for our video on Tuesday.

The Dale Carnegie principle I employed is from How to Stop Worrying and Start Living:
Cooperate with the inevitable.
Do the very best you can.

I have been looking forward to a day off.  I’ve been pulling some very late nights.  There are a variety of art projects I want to work on in my personal time.  Heck, I just want to sleep!   Having a three day weekend is just what I need.  But I am also aware that if we are not prepared for this big shoot on Tuesday—the experience will be very unfortunate, very disappointing.  We must do our best.  And to do our best we must work on Monday.

There's no use hiding. Cooperate with the inevitable.

There is no use griping, complaining, weaseling out of or pretending that “things will work out” without actually putting forth the necessary effort to ensure things will indeed work out.  And as disappointing or irritating it is to have to sacrifice a much needed day off—in the end the organization will be better off for having prepared. 

When you accept the inevitable, you don’t waste your energy on negativity. Instead you focus on the tasks that need to get done and in the long run you will be a better person for it. 

(Full disclosure—this day by no stretch of the imagination was easy.  Even the Smiling Daffodil for all her efforts continues to struggle.  However, I can take a day off any day I choose.  So it’s not a complete loss.  Again, the goal is to minimize stress on Tuesday.  Place your bets now….)

Day 51. I fell off the wagon but the important thing is I got back on my horse…err treadmill

365 Days of Living the Dale Carnegie Principles

Day 51.  Sunday, May 15, 2011

Do the best you can

I woke up distressed.  I only lasted 10 minutes on the treadmill at the gym last night.  Will I be able to redeem myself today? 

The trouble is—I am very disciplined and focused.  I’ve been pretty faithful following my regimen at the gym that my trainer has customized for just for me.  The good thing is—I’ve been improving.  The bad thing is—I’ve been improving.  Improvement ironically enough—has stressed me out to the point that I’ve “fallen off the gym wagon.” I have been too stressed to go to the gym. 

The reason?  The program has gotten easier. 

When I started this routine I was on a fabulous program where I walked on the treadmill—at a very steep incline.  It was a vigorous workout without having to run.  But last night—I found walking just didn’t cut it.  In fact, I had to run really fast to reach the required heart rate.  Grumble.  The cost of progress is a new challenge.  I don’t like change.  I hate change. 

This afternoon I looked at the clock with dread as I thought about going to the gym.  I remembered Dale Carnegie’s principle from How to Stop Worrying and Start Living and suddenly felt more at ease:  Do the best you can.

Remember, just as stress can be self-imposed—you also have the power to relieve stress.  Remind yourself of what’s important.  Remind yourself that if you do the best you can—that really is all you can ask or expect of yourself.  Besides this—the cost of worrying is your happiness.  That is much too expensive a price to pay. 

Housekeeping / Notes
If you missed the announcement—take a moment to check out the new page:  Attn. Non-readers!  It’s a fun section that shows a pictorial view of all the blog posts to date.

Day 21. Do you know someone that seems to live just to frustrate you? Try this approach.

365 Days of Living the Dale Carnegie Principles

Day 21.  April 15, 2011
I was in a meeting with an associate named Felix.  Felix began huffing and puffing—he was complaining about pretty much everything.  We were discussing upcoming projects that would involve some careful planning and every suggestion I made was shot down instantly. 

Before I took the Dale Carnegie course the scenario would have taken this path:

“What if we take this approach, Felix?”

Felix would reply, “No, that won’t work because of XYZ….”

Then Felix would proceed to talk on and on in a manner that would discourage me or that would get me fired up to defend my position.  Either way, the outcome was never a positive experience.  And after a few days, Felix would eventually come around to my way of thinking.  But until that day came, I would stew over Felix’s stinging, provoking words.  I would put way too much energy into thinking about Felix’s actions towards me. 

But having taken the Dale Carnegie course, the scenario happened differently.  To be clear, it was not easy to change my approach.  Old habits are not easy to break. 

I took a deep breath.  I let Felix do all the talking.  Mentally, I gave myself a pep talk as the man continued to breathe fire at me.  My demeanor was calm, peaceful.  I was standing firm in remaining professional and unaffected.  As Felix complained and noticed I wasn’t reacting, he seemed at a loss.  He had nothing more to say.  I didn’t give him what he wanted.  Instead my neutral reaction made him look foolish.  Once the storm of complaints passed from his lips—I responded in a calm tone by saying, “no problem.”  And I moved on to another subject matter.  Minutes later the meeting was over.  I returned to my desk, sat down and took a real deep breath.

Now for the real challenge.

Would I sit at my desk and stew over Felix’s words?  Would I let Felix have control over the outcome of the rest of my day?  I prayed I had enough inner strength to not let Felix steal my happiness.

I even went outside and picked a rose from a huge rose bush nearby.  I must have smelled the scent right out of that rose in an effort to control my thoughts and mood.  I returned to my office, rose in hand, turned on the radio to listen to my favorite tunes, and sat happily as I worked at my desk. 

Dale Carnegie helps me to smell the roses

I control my happiness.  Not any other human being.  Period. 

The Dale Carnegie principles I exercised today are from How to Win Friends and Influence People:
Principle 10. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
Principle 11.  Show respect for the other person’s opinion.  Never say “you’re wrong.”
Principle 15.  Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

From How to Stop Worrying and Start Living:

• Keep busy.
• Don’t fuss about trifles.
• Fill your mind with thoughts of peace, courage, health and hope.
• Expect ingratitude.
• Pray.
• Do the very best you can.

Even though today was not easy—I derive particular joy from my accomplishment of not letting another individual’s negative mood or behavior affect me.

Remember, the next time someone tries their best to drag you down with their words of criticism toward you, your work or of life in general—stay strong against their actions.  When you take this approach, you are taking positive action toward controlling how you want to live your life not how someone else wants you to live.