Day 115. I planned on making lemonade out of my disappointment.

365 Days of Living the Dale Carnegie Principles

Day 115.  Tuesday, July 19, 2011
This morning I woke up and prayed:  “Lord, I can see myself putting the Dale Carnegie books far out of reach and battling it out today.  Please help me.”

As I drove I did everything I could to convince myself that today’s meeting was not worth fighting over. I remembered Abraham Lincoln’s words—‘Don’t criticize them; they are just what we would be under similar circumstances.’

I chewed on the fact that they have not had the luxury of taking a Dale Carnegie course.  I can’t blame them if they don’t behave the way I want them to.  I have taken the course and with that comes responsibility.  I cannot bring disgrace to Dale Carnegie graduates or the organization.  I must behave.  I must remain calm under pressure. 

I touched my necklace around my neck with tiny fish dangling from it.  I wear the fish necklace to remind me of my first blog—the day I found a rotting fish on my lawn. 

I profited from my losses and made four new friends clear across the planet.

I amused myself that I profited from my losses that day.  When life handed me lemons I made lemonade (or rather, life handed me a stinky, rotting fish and I made a blog).

I amused myself that this past weekend I fearlessly cleaned up a water heater closet that was full of gecko poop and I discovered I’m stronger than I think.

I don’t how these thoughts clicked in my head.  I guess I figured if I could do those things I can handle this meeting. I resolved to be as professional, kind and accommodating as I could in today’s meeting.  I would be sure that my eyes would not betray me.  I will not shut down when they criticize and complain.  I will expect ingratitude.  I prepared for the absolute worst.

The meeting happened at the end of the day.    

The meeting did not go as planned.  The individuals in the meeting were quite pleased and more importantly—they were appreciative of the work I did.  They indicated my work exceeded their expectations. 

The Dale Carnegie principles I used in this scenario are from How to Stop Worrying and Start Living:
Pray.
Expect ingratitude.
Do the very best you can.
How to face trouble:
A.  Ask yourself, “What is the worst that can possibly happen?”
B.  Prepare to accept the worst.
C.  Try to improve on the worst.

To be clear—I’ve been waiting for this day for almost a year.  My workout at the gym last night was very intense.  I did everything I could to mentally and physically prepare myself for today’s carelessness and ingratitude.  I resolved that my best meant I had to be accommodating, patient and open-minded no matter what was thrown at me.  I put my heart and being into a project and I fully expected and prepared to get trampled on.  Instead I received a thank you. 

The lesson I hope you take from this story—the only person you can change is yourself.  Don’t expect others around you to change.  Don’t blame them for not changing.  Instead, figure out how you can adapt yourself to deal with the challenging people and circumstances around you.  Figure out how you can profit from your losses.  In my case—as I walked into the office I was fully prepared to leave at the end of the day with a story of how I made lemonade from the lemon of ingratitude I was handed. Instead, I was pleasantly surprised, grateful and relieved.  And yes, I celebrated by having dinner at my favorite Chick-fil-A

Housekeeping / Notes:
Thank you for reading my blog. 

Day 84. I make lemonade for a living….

365 Days of Living the Dale Carnegie Principles

Day 84.  Friday, June 17, 2011
It was noon and I had enough of the day.  I turned off my computer and I left the building.

I decided to take a lunch.  I never take lunches.  I have a light “snack” at Starbucks everyday instead of a lunch.  But today was not an ordinary day.  I had to get out of the building for a change of scenery.

I ended up at Wendy’s.  I stood in line for a minute and determined it wasn’t worth the wait in line.  I returned to my car and sat there a few moments and prayed.

“Dear God.  I need a place to eat.  I don’t want to eat but I need a change of perspective.  I’m trying to make lemonade out of this ridiculously horrible day.”

That’s when it hit me.  McDonald’s has a new strawberry lemonade.  Although I hate everything that has lemon flavor I do happen to like this drink.  Besides, what a great pun!

As I drove to McDonald’s I gave myself a pep talk. 

Smiling Daffodil’s Pep Talk:  “I determine my own happiness.  I manufacture genuine happiness each and every day.  I will not let people’s thoughtless behaviors or unreasonable demands affect the outcome of my day.  I will profit from my losses.  I will expect ingratitude.  I will figure out how to use their carelessness towards me to my advantage.  I have succeeded at this for 83 days.  Today will be no different.  People are who they are and they will not change.  All I can do to cope with this is to change myself and how I react to people.” 

I arrived at McDonald’s full of hope and an open mind.  I was determined to find something positive at McDonald’s to change my outlook on the day.  There were a lot of families with their children and the children were quite… rambunctious.  I found this distracting and entertaining. 

Atypical lunch for the Smiling Daffodil

I ate my meal and lived in the moment trying to think of Dale Carnegie principles that would help me deal with my frustrations from the silly people I work with.  I even sent an SOS for prayers from a friend.  I don’t like to do that often… but today was one of those days.

I don’t know how it happened.  Was it the strawberry lemonade?  Perhaps the homemade lemon decorations all over the restaurant? 

Somehow the lemon decorations were endearing to this weathered daffodil...

Maybe it was the friendly manager that apologized for the noise of all the children. 

Maybe it was my resolve to turn this day into a good blog.  Or it was the prayers on my behalf that were kicking in.    

I have no idea what caused the change of perspective.  But I found myself calm.  I was able to reflect on the day and I resolved to stay focused and do my best to get through it. 

You see—I had two projects that had to get finished TODAY.  I can’t go home / go to sleep / have my weekend / etc until these two tasks are done.  No exceptions.  Normally I just have one of these projects on Fridays.  But today was special.  I had two disastrous, stressful projects to complete. 

And to top it off—management had TONS of changes to one of the projects.  I did my best to smile as they gave me their changes.  But it was very hard.  I felt so helpless trying to figure out how I could spin time out of straw.  My eyes betrayed me again—but this time I knew my best bet was to remove myself from the building, take a deep breath and figure out how to solve the extreme workload. 

I returned and the work was still there waiting for me.  It was a big heap of chaos on my desk.  I decided to delegate what I could and I slowly chipped away at all the details.

Surprisingly, I got my work complete in a calm, professional manner.  I gave appreciation where it was due.  Without my assistant I would not have been able to complete one of the projects without staying very late. 

There’s an assortment of Dale Carnegie principles I used today.  From How to Stop Worrying and Start Living:
Pray.
Try to profit from your losses.
Use the law of averages to outlaw your worries.
Cooperate with the inevitable.

I knew there was no point in arguing or complaining about the absurd workload today.  I accepted the inevitable that I would have to work a very long, tedious and mentally draining day.  I reminded myself this is not the first time this has happened.  I have a successful track record of getting tedious projects finished.  I was also aware of my own impatience with absurd people—so I prayed and asked a friend for backup prayers.  In the end—everything worked out as things usually do. 

This is a long story but I hope it has value to you.  When you find yourself surrounded by very absurd people or circumstances and what’s worse—you’re the only one that can recognize the absurdity—these are the days that you really appreciate the value of living the Dale Carnegie principles.  These principles are not pie in the sky or overly optimistic and nauseating statements.  I have tested them.  They are real and they work.

Housekeeping / Notes:
If you missed a blog post or two this week, you are welcome to click on over to the Pictorial archive section.

Day 49. A head-on approach to dealing with stress using Dale Carnegie’s principles

365 Days of Living the Dale Carnegie Principles

Day 49.  Friday, May 13, 2011
The moment I walked into the office it felt like a Monday.  I double checked the calendar… nope.  Today is Friday. 

A grenade was thrown at me first thing in the morning via email.  I was asked to change the scheduled marketing campaign that was launching TODAY to something else.  No problem,” I calmly responded.  “I have a backup campaign.”

Whew!  Look at me adjusting to change!  Before that Dale Carnegie course—I would have exploded.  Look at me now!

But then I realized changing the marketing campaign today would set off a chain reaction that meant a considerable amount of additional work.  I decided to hunker down at my desk and live in “day-tight compartments”.  I would tackle one task at a time, doing my best to prioritize.

But then another grenade was thrown at me via email:  “Smiling Daffodil—I haven’t been paid for my services for XYZ.”

And another grenade:  “Smiling Daffodil—have you invoiced for the ABC project?”

By this time, I pulled out my laptop and was playing my favorite song in a continuous loop in an effort to keep my focused and calm.  The entire building probably heard me whistling my heart out. 

I was REALLY trying.  But the grenades kept coming.

A coworker asked, “Would you like to proof this new packaging before we print thousands, Smiling Daffodil?”  “Of course,” I replied.

 Additional grenades:
“Smiling Daffodil, what do you think about this project?  Do you love it?”
“Smiling Daffodil, can you fix this typo on the website?”
“Smiling Daffodil, I need guidance on this project…now.”

I kept reminding myself of Dale Carnegie’s principle – “Live in day-tight compartments”.  I was really trying.  I was staying focused on work. I was not letting the countless, nagging requests get to me.  Everyone wants to be heard and feel important.   They each have their own perspective. 

I pondered what a “day-tight compartment” would look like.  After chewing on it a smile came to my face.  My eyes probably took on a devious, mischievous look. 

I quickly sent a text to my friend Tim to see if he happened to have what I was looking for in his arsenal of props. 

As the day progressed—or should I say worsened—I reached a point where it was either a second Java Chip Frappuccino or a trip to the store for the perfect prop for my blog today.

My eyes raced about as I glanced at all the amazing possibilities at the Military Surplus store.  A sailor hat!  Boots!  Army fatigues!

Then I found the prop I was looking for. It’s the image of me living in a day-tight compartment at my desk.  Do you think anyone would question me showing up to work with this on Monday?

The Dale Carnegie principles I tried very hard to use today are from How to Stop Worrying and Start Living:
–          Live in “day-tight compartments”
–          Expect ingratitude.
–          Learn to relax at your work.

Ok, ok.  I probably got the wiring crossed in my mind—“day-tight” versus the very literal “air-tight” concept—but it certainly did provide an amusing distraction for me today in the midst of utter chaos.  Besides… what I REALLY wanted was a copper diving helmet. 

The lessons– yes, there are several hidden here…. When you find you are experiencing a chaotic day do your best to live in “day-tight compartments”.  Deal with each task, each ‘crisis’ in the order of importance.  Expect ingratitude—this way you won’t get worked up or irritated when people expect you to quickly accommodate their every whim.  And last—when you can—by all means—find a way to have fun.  You’ll find this will help relieve you of pressure and you’ll be able to pursue your work with a clearer mind.  And if nothing else—you’ll have all your coworkers very confused as you face chaos with humor.

Day 21. Do you know someone that seems to live just to frustrate you? Try this approach.

365 Days of Living the Dale Carnegie Principles

Day 21.  April 15, 2011
I was in a meeting with an associate named Felix.  Felix began huffing and puffing—he was complaining about pretty much everything.  We were discussing upcoming projects that would involve some careful planning and every suggestion I made was shot down instantly. 

Before I took the Dale Carnegie course the scenario would have taken this path:

“What if we take this approach, Felix?”

Felix would reply, “No, that won’t work because of XYZ….”

Then Felix would proceed to talk on and on in a manner that would discourage me or that would get me fired up to defend my position.  Either way, the outcome was never a positive experience.  And after a few days, Felix would eventually come around to my way of thinking.  But until that day came, I would stew over Felix’s stinging, provoking words.  I would put way too much energy into thinking about Felix’s actions towards me. 

But having taken the Dale Carnegie course, the scenario happened differently.  To be clear, it was not easy to change my approach.  Old habits are not easy to break. 

I took a deep breath.  I let Felix do all the talking.  Mentally, I gave myself a pep talk as the man continued to breathe fire at me.  My demeanor was calm, peaceful.  I was standing firm in remaining professional and unaffected.  As Felix complained and noticed I wasn’t reacting, he seemed at a loss.  He had nothing more to say.  I didn’t give him what he wanted.  Instead my neutral reaction made him look foolish.  Once the storm of complaints passed from his lips—I responded in a calm tone by saying, “no problem.”  And I moved on to another subject matter.  Minutes later the meeting was over.  I returned to my desk, sat down and took a real deep breath.

Now for the real challenge.

Would I sit at my desk and stew over Felix’s words?  Would I let Felix have control over the outcome of the rest of my day?  I prayed I had enough inner strength to not let Felix steal my happiness.

I even went outside and picked a rose from a huge rose bush nearby.  I must have smelled the scent right out of that rose in an effort to control my thoughts and mood.  I returned to my office, rose in hand, turned on the radio to listen to my favorite tunes, and sat happily as I worked at my desk. 

Dale Carnegie helps me to smell the roses

I control my happiness.  Not any other human being.  Period. 

The Dale Carnegie principles I exercised today are from How to Win Friends and Influence People:
Principle 10. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
Principle 11.  Show respect for the other person’s opinion.  Never say “you’re wrong.”
Principle 15.  Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

From How to Stop Worrying and Start Living:

• Keep busy.
• Don’t fuss about trifles.
• Fill your mind with thoughts of peace, courage, health and hope.
• Expect ingratitude.
• Pray.
• Do the very best you can.

Even though today was not easy—I derive particular joy from my accomplishment of not letting another individual’s negative mood or behavior affect me.

Remember, the next time someone tries their best to drag you down with their words of criticism toward you, your work or of life in general—stay strong against their actions.  When you take this approach, you are taking positive action toward controlling how you want to live your life not how someone else wants you to live.