Day 89: San Quentin, rotting fish and Dale Carnegie’s principle– “don’t fuss about trifles.”

365 Days of Living the Dale Carnegie Principles

Day 89.  Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Last week I noticed one of my blog posts appeared when someone used a search engine.  This was not unusual.  But the phrase that the person used was unusual.  Someone typed the phrase:  “Why can’t you wear jeans at San Quentin?”  and my blog appeared in the results.  I have no idea how that happened.  It is true—sometimes it feels like I am in a prison—but I’ve never verbalized it.  (Oops!)

This morning I woke up and reached for my iPhone to review stats and search engine terms for my blog.  Sure enough—someone did a search and my blog post appeared in the results.  Although I was half asleep at the time—the phrase startled me completely awake:  “Dale Carnegie rot”.   

Rot?  

I thought—maybe someone can’t spell?  But I couldn’t think of an alternative word that was also positive… rotten, Rottweiler….

Since I was wide awake I got up and ready for the day.    

“Rot?”  I mean really?  I thought about the word way too much. 

I considered shutting down the lemonade stand—also known as my blog.  Someone thinks my stories are rot….

I struggled finding something to wear today.  I considered the fact that I have missed the gym for 5 days now.  I feel huge.  My blog and work are keeping me too busy to have time for the gym.  As it is I’m going to bed around 2 am.  I’m blissfully happy and productive but I’m also sleepy and I feel chunky. 

Maybe I should shut down the blog.  But then I remembered today is Guest Blog day.  I can’t let my friend down.  His blog proves the value of using the Dale Carnegie principles.  And if he was willing to be a guest blogger—surely then my blog isn’t “rot”. 

I considered the perspective of the person that typed “Dale Carnegie rot”.  Hmm… Yes… my stories can be a bit on the absurd, happy-go-lucky, pour on the extra sugar and syrup—sappy side. 

Yes, I can see how my writings might inspire the word “rot”. 

Hmm… I wonder which blog story came up in that search?  I concluded with sadness that all of them qualify for that description.

Well, I’m feeling fat, I have blemishes on my face, my hair is the wrong style, my house is a mess and my blog stories appear in search engines with the words “Dale Carnegie rot.”  Grumble.  This day doesn’t look so good.

So I decided to do the most logical thing.  I pulled out the Clorox and vacuum and I cleaned.  I amused myself thinking—it took the word “rot” to inspire me to clean.

Around this time I remembered some details I had forgotten about my own blog.  I had written a blog with the word “rot” in it.  My first blog was about a rotting fish.  It was the catalyst for me to begin this blog. 

It’s one of my favorite stories.  Instead of focusing on the malicious person who threw a large dead fish into my backyard to rot—I scooped it up, disposed of it and focused on making lemonade—by starting a blog.

Oddly, I have fond memories of the stench from that rotting fish.  The stench from that horribly rotten and fly infested fish—has become symbolic for me.  I take “rot” and other frustrations and try to find the positive and humor in them. 

So, a special thank you to whoever it was that searched “Dale Carnegie rot”.  I was inspired to clean the house and return to the gym.  (And I don’t think you were trying to imply my stories were bad.  I’m still trying to master the “get thicker skin” and “don’t assume the worst” principles by the way…)

The Dale Carnegie principles I used are from How to Stop Worrying and Start Living:
Get all the facts.
Keep busy.
Don’t fuss about trifles.

The lesson I hope you take from this story—you have the ability to control how you react to the day’s events.  Don’t jump to conclusions.  Don’t assume the worst about yourself or people’s opinions of you.  Simply don’t worry!

Do your best to look for the good, the humor—or my personal favorite—the irony of the day.  It makes the day more manageable and amusing.

As I type this blog and look back at how the rest of the day turned out—I had a really wonderful day!  To think I was going to let trifles get the best of me!

Housekeeping / Notes:
Be sure to read the post by my newest guest blogger, Esteban.  He not only makes lemonade but he demonstrates the qualities of a good father.  Click here to read his story.

Day 87. I didn’t have to work hard to make lemonade. The law of averages served me well.

365 Days of Living the Dale Carnegie Principles

Day 87.  Monday, June 20, 2011
I was a bit confused when I looked at the time this morning.  It was 7 am.  I either woke up too early for the weekend or maybe I’ll be on time for work.  I had to look at the calendar to see what day it was.  Oh, it’s Monday… I decided to get up anyway.

As I was pulling out of my driveway I noticed my neighbors hadn’t put their trash bin out by the curb for trash pick up day.  I also noticed their trash bin was very full.  I debated whether I should do them a favor and put their trash bin out or just mind my own business.

I got out of my car and rolled their trash bin by the curb.

As I continued on my drive to work a very strange sequence of events happened. 

I say strange—because it was Monday. 

I received a very touching email from Anthony—an old friend of mine.  He thanked me for my blog and mentioned he shared it with his family on Father’s Day.  On Father’s Day!  If you read my Father’s Day blog post about my macaroni art project you’ll understand what Anthony’s email meant to me.  I thanked God for Anthony’s thoughtfulness, empathy and really excellent timing.  His last words alluded to the fact that he hopes I have an unusually good Monday.  I read that and thought—oh I hope you are right Anthony.  So far we are on a good track but I haven’t arrived at work yet.

I was making good time in my commute to work so I decided to stop by the grocery store to buy some macaroni and other food items to donate for a local food drive at my Starbucks.  Despite holding up the line at the grocery store—everyone was friendly towards me and smiling.  It was really bazaar.  Why is everyone so nice to me? 

Next I arrived at work on time.  That in itself is a monumental accomplishment.  I hesitantly showed my newest heart pillow creations to an associate.  She LOVED them.  I walked back to my office and thanked God.  This is all I wanted from her last week and I got it today.  Perhaps Anthony was right about this day.

Next I heard from my two guest bloggers—who really didn’t realize, expect or believe I was serious when I said their stories would be perfect for my blog.  I was stunned that neither one of them could recognize the value of their stories.  After we talked—they both agreed and seemed to be excited.  I sat and relished the idea that my dinky lemonade stand is now recruiting “employees” and “business” seems to be good. 

Even a coworker whom I haven’t gotten along with for quite some time now was showing me appreciation, kindness and encouragement today.

The day continued in this fashion.  Little pieces of good moments kept falling in my lap.   At the end of the day, encouraged by my associate—I experimented with a couple more sewing techniques.  I started yet another sewing project that is going to be ridiculously cute by the time I’m finished with it.  I don’t know what the finished project will be yet but believe it or not—I might try something other than a pillow.

As I was driving home along the tollway I thanked God for making an unusually good Monday. 

Recognize blessings among the clutter

As I was doing this—I glanced over and noticed the sky.  Despite the cluttered landscape with water towers, electric towers, buildings, highways and overpasses being built, you could see the sky was a dark blue with shades of pink along the horizon.  It was so stunning it was ridiculous.  “Dear God—what were you thinking when you made that sunset?  I hope I’m not the only one driving home that notices your handiwork.”

I took all sorts of detours on the drive home just to get photos of the sky. 

Sometimes you have to look for the good hidden among the clutter, stress and chaos of a day.  If you don’t put effort into it—you will miss out on opportunities to find happiness and fulfillment in the everyday. 

I realize I have rambled quite a bit here.  And like you I’m wondering if there’s a purpose to today’s blog.  (ha)  Of course there is!

The Dale Carnegie principles I used are from How to Stop Worrying and Start Living: 
Don’t worry about the past.
Count your blessings—not your troubles.
Use the law of averages to outlaw your worries. 

It sure feels like a great deal of last week was crummy—or at least the last few days.  I had to do some mental acrobatics to apply the Dale Carnegie principles. 

Today was the complete opposite. 

When you have a bad day, bad week, bad month, bad year… consider the law of averages.  Things will balance out.  You will have a good day, a good week, a good month, a good year. 

One way to ensure this—do your best not to dwell on the past (I know this is hard)… and also count your blessings (this one is easy).  Look for all the large and small blessings that come your way.  Take the time to appreciate these blessings.  Look for the good.  Maybe it’s a sunset.  Maybe it’s an encouraging email from a friend or perhaps it’s a patient cashier at a grocery store.  Maybe it’s doing a random act of kindness like putting your neighbor’s trash bin by the curb on trash day.  Or donating food for a food pantry.  The blessings and opportunities are there—you just have to recognize them and act upon them.

When you take these measures—you pretty much guarantee a more positive outlook on the day. 

– Thank you Anthony for pushing me in the right direction.

Housekeeping / Notes:
– Mark your calendars!  Wednesday will be the debut of a very special guest blogger and friend.  I can’t wait for you to meet him through his story. 
–  Stop by the Archive / Pictorial section if you missed a story or want to reread a past blog.
– Feedback / Suggestions / Comments:  If you have ideas on how to improve the daffodil garden of blog stories let me know.  Also feel free to spread the love and share a link or two with family, friends, coworkers, etc. 

I know your time is valuable.  Thank you for reading my blog.

Day 84. I make lemonade for a living….

365 Days of Living the Dale Carnegie Principles

Day 84.  Friday, June 17, 2011
It was noon and I had enough of the day.  I turned off my computer and I left the building.

I decided to take a lunch.  I never take lunches.  I have a light “snack” at Starbucks everyday instead of a lunch.  But today was not an ordinary day.  I had to get out of the building for a change of scenery.

I ended up at Wendy’s.  I stood in line for a minute and determined it wasn’t worth the wait in line.  I returned to my car and sat there a few moments and prayed.

“Dear God.  I need a place to eat.  I don’t want to eat but I need a change of perspective.  I’m trying to make lemonade out of this ridiculously horrible day.”

That’s when it hit me.  McDonald’s has a new strawberry lemonade.  Although I hate everything that has lemon flavor I do happen to like this drink.  Besides, what a great pun!

As I drove to McDonald’s I gave myself a pep talk. 

Smiling Daffodil’s Pep Talk:  “I determine my own happiness.  I manufacture genuine happiness each and every day.  I will not let people’s thoughtless behaviors or unreasonable demands affect the outcome of my day.  I will profit from my losses.  I will expect ingratitude.  I will figure out how to use their carelessness towards me to my advantage.  I have succeeded at this for 83 days.  Today will be no different.  People are who they are and they will not change.  All I can do to cope with this is to change myself and how I react to people.” 

I arrived at McDonald’s full of hope and an open mind.  I was determined to find something positive at McDonald’s to change my outlook on the day.  There were a lot of families with their children and the children were quite… rambunctious.  I found this distracting and entertaining. 

Atypical lunch for the Smiling Daffodil

I ate my meal and lived in the moment trying to think of Dale Carnegie principles that would help me deal with my frustrations from the silly people I work with.  I even sent an SOS for prayers from a friend.  I don’t like to do that often… but today was one of those days.

I don’t know how it happened.  Was it the strawberry lemonade?  Perhaps the homemade lemon decorations all over the restaurant? 

Somehow the lemon decorations were endearing to this weathered daffodil...

Maybe it was the friendly manager that apologized for the noise of all the children. 

Maybe it was my resolve to turn this day into a good blog.  Or it was the prayers on my behalf that were kicking in.    

I have no idea what caused the change of perspective.  But I found myself calm.  I was able to reflect on the day and I resolved to stay focused and do my best to get through it. 

You see—I had two projects that had to get finished TODAY.  I can’t go home / go to sleep / have my weekend / etc until these two tasks are done.  No exceptions.  Normally I just have one of these projects on Fridays.  But today was special.  I had two disastrous, stressful projects to complete. 

And to top it off—management had TONS of changes to one of the projects.  I did my best to smile as they gave me their changes.  But it was very hard.  I felt so helpless trying to figure out how I could spin time out of straw.  My eyes betrayed me again—but this time I knew my best bet was to remove myself from the building, take a deep breath and figure out how to solve the extreme workload. 

I returned and the work was still there waiting for me.  It was a big heap of chaos on my desk.  I decided to delegate what I could and I slowly chipped away at all the details.

Surprisingly, I got my work complete in a calm, professional manner.  I gave appreciation where it was due.  Without my assistant I would not have been able to complete one of the projects without staying very late. 

There’s an assortment of Dale Carnegie principles I used today.  From How to Stop Worrying and Start Living:
Pray.
Try to profit from your losses.
Use the law of averages to outlaw your worries.
Cooperate with the inevitable.

I knew there was no point in arguing or complaining about the absurd workload today.  I accepted the inevitable that I would have to work a very long, tedious and mentally draining day.  I reminded myself this is not the first time this has happened.  I have a successful track record of getting tedious projects finished.  I was also aware of my own impatience with absurd people—so I prayed and asked a friend for backup prayers.  In the end—everything worked out as things usually do. 

This is a long story but I hope it has value to you.  When you find yourself surrounded by very absurd people or circumstances and what’s worse—you’re the only one that can recognize the absurdity—these are the days that you really appreciate the value of living the Dale Carnegie principles.  These principles are not pie in the sky or overly optimistic and nauseating statements.  I have tested them.  They are real and they work.

Housekeeping / Notes:
If you missed a blog post or two this week, you are welcome to click on over to the Pictorial archive section.

Day 63. Place your bets now: A short-term loss will pay off on Tuesday and beyond.

365 Days of Living the Dale Carnegie Principles

Day 63.  Friday, May 27, 2011
It was roughly 4:45 pm.  Everyone is in “vacation” mode because it’s a three day weekend.  I met with my associate and asked how confident he felt about the upcoming video we are shooting on Tuesday.

He sighed. “I’m not feeling very good about it,” he said. 

I paused. I weighed the options in my head.  I took a deep breath and said, “you know—I realize it’s the weekend and you probably have plans with your family.  But maybe we should work on Monday (Memorial Day).  If it means we will be more prepared for Tuesday, I’m all for it.  Because come Tuesday, we will be too stressed with final preparations that creativity will probably go out the window.”

My associate agreed. 

So on Monday, a national holiday, we’ll be working—getting final preparations complete for our video on Tuesday.

The Dale Carnegie principle I employed is from How to Stop Worrying and Start Living:
Cooperate with the inevitable.
Do the very best you can.

I have been looking forward to a day off.  I’ve been pulling some very late nights.  There are a variety of art projects I want to work on in my personal time.  Heck, I just want to sleep!   Having a three day weekend is just what I need.  But I am also aware that if we are not prepared for this big shoot on Tuesday—the experience will be very unfortunate, very disappointing.  We must do our best.  And to do our best we must work on Monday.

There's no use hiding. Cooperate with the inevitable.

There is no use griping, complaining, weaseling out of or pretending that “things will work out” without actually putting forth the necessary effort to ensure things will indeed work out.  And as disappointing or irritating it is to have to sacrifice a much needed day off—in the end the organization will be better off for having prepared. 

When you accept the inevitable, you don’t waste your energy on negativity. Instead you focus on the tasks that need to get done and in the long run you will be a better person for it. 

(Full disclosure—this day by no stretch of the imagination was easy.  Even the Smiling Daffodil for all her efforts continues to struggle.  However, I can take a day off any day I choose.  So it’s not a complete loss.  Again, the goal is to minimize stress on Tuesday.  Place your bets now….)

Day 54. If Dale Carnegie was watching “The Smiling Daffodil” tv program from heaven… odds are he’d be smiling.

365 Days of Living the Dale Carnegie Principles

Day 54.  Wednesday, May 18, 2011
I was working at my desk when suddenly I was startled. 

“Wait a minute,” I thought to myself while smiling mischievously.  “I’ve been living in a “day-tight compartment” and didn’t even realize it?

Let me explain.

Silly little monkey before taking the Dale Carnegie course

 

Before the Dale Carnegie course, I would carry the weight of the world on my shoulders.  I volunteered to be the sacrificial lamb.  I felt obligated to take this role.  To sacrifice.  To do without.  To exhaust myself.  I took on way more than I was technically required to for my organization each and every day.  I got nothing in return but weariness, grumpiness and whatever other colorful adjective you care to add.

After taking the Dale Carnegie course, I live in “day-tight compartments”. 

Today I was in a meeting where some discoveries were made that certain tasks weren’t complete.  I didn’t do them because I didn’t know I was expected to.  No one asked me to.  No one told me to.  It genuinely NEVER occurred to me that I was to do them.  They were tasks that were far removed from me. 

Understand there is a distinction between being complacent, lazy, silent or an irresponsible employee and living in day-tight compartments.  To not speak up about a concern is irresponsible—it cannot be considered living in a day-tight compartment.  The circumstance today was something different. 

Before the Dale Carnegie course I behaved as if I was the owner—worrying about everything, working weekends, working late nights….working, working, working, worrying, worrying, worrying.  If there were any tasks that weren’t assigned to me that were just collecting dust—I would take them on without being asked. 

But I realized I don’t have to take that approach.  It is not my obligation or responsibility to live, breath and exist for the sole benefit of an organization’s success—at the cost of my happiness, my peace, my life, my being.

Still a strong force in nature but perhaps a litte more tame.

 

So the mischievous smile was my amusement of realizing my success with the concept of ‘stop worrying and start living’.  Work is a necessity.  I do it with enthusiasm.  I put my heart into it.  I do my best.  But I leave the responsibility of running a business, of management, of personnel issues, of blah, blah, blah, to their respective owners. 

People, challenges, chaos and countless good and bad circumstances in a day become an opportunity for me to apply a Dale Carnegie principle.   I look for opportunities to learn and to share what I have learned. 

I let trifles crumble into oblivion without taking a toll on me.  I sleep well.  I go to the gym for fun.  I drink Starbucks Java Chip Frappuccinos because I love them—not because I need them to temper my mood.  I create happiness for others.  I have ridiculous fun with my blog. 

I have discovered happiness, peace, life, my being. 

While I wasn’t as specific as I would have liked to be in this blog—I hope that the message is still clear.  Living in day-tight compartments leads to a much happier path for your life.  You don’t have to get irritated, frustrated, concerned about all the situations—large and small that come your way—especially when it is not your responsibility to solve all of humanity’s problems or worry about trifles.  It doesn’t mean you don’t care about humanity, the world or the organization—it just means you recognize the value of protecting your own health, happiness and peace.

Housekeeping/Notes:

• Don’t forget to rate the posts and feel free to post a comment!
• Share the love by passing along the link to this blog to a friend, coworker or some nagging individual who needs some Dale Carnegie in their lives. 
• Guest bloggers are welcome!  My instructor, Frank Starkey who is now a legend in my heart—said that if we lived it we have a right to tell the story.  So if you have an experience, feel free to share.  Click here for more info.