Day 89: San Quentin, rotting fish and Dale Carnegie’s principle– “don’t fuss about trifles.”

365 Days of Living the Dale Carnegie Principles

Day 89.  Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Last week I noticed one of my blog posts appeared when someone used a search engine.  This was not unusual.  But the phrase that the person used was unusual.  Someone typed the phrase:  “Why can’t you wear jeans at San Quentin?”  and my blog appeared in the results.  I have no idea how that happened.  It is true—sometimes it feels like I am in a prison—but I’ve never verbalized it.  (Oops!)

This morning I woke up and reached for my iPhone to review stats and search engine terms for my blog.  Sure enough—someone did a search and my blog post appeared in the results.  Although I was half asleep at the time—the phrase startled me completely awake:  “Dale Carnegie rot”.   

Rot?  

I thought—maybe someone can’t spell?  But I couldn’t think of an alternative word that was also positive… rotten, Rottweiler….

Since I was wide awake I got up and ready for the day.    

“Rot?”  I mean really?  I thought about the word way too much. 

I considered shutting down the lemonade stand—also known as my blog.  Someone thinks my stories are rot….

I struggled finding something to wear today.  I considered the fact that I have missed the gym for 5 days now.  I feel huge.  My blog and work are keeping me too busy to have time for the gym.  As it is I’m going to bed around 2 am.  I’m blissfully happy and productive but I’m also sleepy and I feel chunky. 

Maybe I should shut down the blog.  But then I remembered today is Guest Blog day.  I can’t let my friend down.  His blog proves the value of using the Dale Carnegie principles.  And if he was willing to be a guest blogger—surely then my blog isn’t “rot”. 

I considered the perspective of the person that typed “Dale Carnegie rot”.  Hmm… Yes… my stories can be a bit on the absurd, happy-go-lucky, pour on the extra sugar and syrup—sappy side. 

Yes, I can see how my writings might inspire the word “rot”. 

Hmm… I wonder which blog story came up in that search?  I concluded with sadness that all of them qualify for that description.

Well, I’m feeling fat, I have blemishes on my face, my hair is the wrong style, my house is a mess and my blog stories appear in search engines with the words “Dale Carnegie rot.”  Grumble.  This day doesn’t look so good.

So I decided to do the most logical thing.  I pulled out the Clorox and vacuum and I cleaned.  I amused myself thinking—it took the word “rot” to inspire me to clean.

Around this time I remembered some details I had forgotten about my own blog.  I had written a blog with the word “rot” in it.  My first blog was about a rotting fish.  It was the catalyst for me to begin this blog. 

It’s one of my favorite stories.  Instead of focusing on the malicious person who threw a large dead fish into my backyard to rot—I scooped it up, disposed of it and focused on making lemonade—by starting a blog.

Oddly, I have fond memories of the stench from that rotting fish.  The stench from that horribly rotten and fly infested fish—has become symbolic for me.  I take “rot” and other frustrations and try to find the positive and humor in them. 

So, a special thank you to whoever it was that searched “Dale Carnegie rot”.  I was inspired to clean the house and return to the gym.  (And I don’t think you were trying to imply my stories were bad.  I’m still trying to master the “get thicker skin” and “don’t assume the worst” principles by the way…)

The Dale Carnegie principles I used are from How to Stop Worrying and Start Living:
Get all the facts.
Keep busy.
Don’t fuss about trifles.

The lesson I hope you take from this story—you have the ability to control how you react to the day’s events.  Don’t jump to conclusions.  Don’t assume the worst about yourself or people’s opinions of you.  Simply don’t worry!

Do your best to look for the good, the humor—or my personal favorite—the irony of the day.  It makes the day more manageable and amusing.

As I type this blog and look back at how the rest of the day turned out—I had a really wonderful day!  To think I was going to let trifles get the best of me!

Housekeeping / Notes:
Be sure to read the post by my newest guest blogger, Esteban.  He not only makes lemonade but he demonstrates the qualities of a good father.  Click here to read his story.

Day 8. Ode to the rotting fish and my name sure sounds sweet to the ear…

365 Days of Living the Dale Carnegie Principles

Day 8.  April 2, 2011 
Preface:  I was concerned I wouldn’t find an opportunity to exercise the principles.  By the day’s end I have two stories to share.

Story 1.
I was at Chick-fil-A, ordering a chicken sandwich combo meal.  The cashier asked my name which I thought was odd—because they serve the food immediately after you pay.  I handed her the money and she said, “’Smiling Daffodil’, here’s your meal.  Thank you.” 

Admittedly, they are trained to add this personal touch, but I have to say, I was reminded of Dale Carnegie’s principle from How to Win Friends and Influence People:
Principle 6.  Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

The effect of calling someone by their name humanizes the relationship—no matter how brief or seemingly insignificant the moment.  Yes, this was just a meal at a fast food restaurant.  But as I sat eating, I was also observing the manager:  Cody Northern, working hard—talking to the customers, cleaning the tables, asking customers if they want refills on their drinks.  I heard him gently advising a young employee to train his eye to make sure the tables are in order… etc, etc.  You could really see that the manager takes great pride in his restaurant—as he should.  He was creating a very friendly atmosphere with a focus on serving his customers. 

I would never have bothered to observe any of this had the cashier not called me by name to humanize my visit to Chick-fil-A. 

So, next time you meet a stranger—take the time to learn their name. It makes the person feel important and it indicates to that person that you value human relationships. 

In my case—odds are very high I will be loyal to this particular Chick-fil-A restaurant by visiting again and again—because they proved they value my business.

Story 2.
Preface:  I remember with strange fondness the foul odor of a rotting fish in my backyard a week ago today.  That rotting fish was the inspiration for me to begin this blog.  Thank goodness for that fish. 

Swedish Fish to celebrate 1 week anniversary of this blog

I was returning home, about to drive up my driveway into the garage.  Except I couldn’t because there was a car parked horizontally, blocking most of my driveway. 

This was the last straw for me.  First the mysterious rotting fish in my backyard last week.  Now this?  I got out of the car, refused to take a deep breath and approached the neighbor’s house, pretty steamed.  I thought about Dale Carnegie’s Principle 10:  The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.  (From How to Win Friends and Influence People) But that principle went out the window—because I was knocking at the neighbor’s door and I wasn’t leaving until I confronted the neighbors.

I had no idea what I was going to say and despite being steamed I knew I needed to use the Dale Carnegie principles.  Somehow I managed to come up with:

Hi—I’m your neighbor next door.  I’m afraid I’m not a very good driver and I don’t want to hit your car as I try to squeeze through up my driveway.  Is there anyway you could move the car?

They apologized profusely.  I said—oh no problem.  And I’m sorry to interrupt your Saturday night movie.  We ended up talking for a few minutes—catching up on each other’s lives—it turned out to be a very pleasant experience. 

There are multiple principles I used from Dale Carnegie. 

From How to Win Friends and Influence People:
Principle 8.  Talk in terms of the other person’s interests. 
Principle 13.  Begin in a friendly way.
Principle 20.  Dramatize your ideas.

From How to Stop Worrying and Start Living:
Don’t worry about the past.

I began in a friendly way, dramatizing the idea that given my poor driving skills I will likely hit their car—so they probably want to move it out of harm’s way.  By having a friendly conversation—the moment was humanized—these are people just like me.  They have faces and names.  There was no need to worry about last week’s mysterious rotting fish that was at the side of my house.  It could have been anyone that tossed it into my yard.

So remember—if you find yourself in a position that you need to confront someone—take a deep breath, remember they are human and approach them in the same courteous way you would like to be treated.  Most people will respond in a reasonable way with this approach and you will avoid an unnecessary battle or feud.

Day 1 of 365 Days of Living the Dale Carnegie Principles

As a recent graduate from the Dale Carnegie course, I have been putting effort into living the Dale Carnegie principles.  To take the process one step further—I have decided to make myself accountable by starting a daily blog to document exactly what principles I have lived for the next 365 days. 

My hope is to grow as a person and invite others to grow with me in this process.  I am certain if you put any one of the principles into practice you too will benefit from the results.

Day 1.  March 26, 2011

How I turned rotting fish into lemonade using the Dale Carnegie approach.

It was a beautiful Spring morning—warm and sunny with the promise of a great day.  I was approaching the gate on the side of my house to enter the backyard.  I stopped in my tracks… I noticed a very foul stench and looked around for the cause.  I opened the gate and there was the source of the foul stench:  a Wal-Mart bag with a huge dead fish. 

At this juncture I’d like to say that I handled the moment in a civilized fashion—but I’m human.  I was just plain livid—spouting out a colorful bouquet of choice words for the prankster(s).  My instinct was to go to the neighbors and politely accuse them of throwing a rotting fish in my backyard.  But I didn’t.  I grabbed my shovel, a trash can and bag and scooped the rotting fish, mush and all.  In all it took minutes—I did what needed to be done—as an adult, a homeowner and as a Carnegie graduate. 

As I did this task—I racked my brain trying to make sense of things.  What human being would throw a fish into someone’s yard?  What does this say about the person?  I’ve been listening to Jim Rohn and the Art of Exceptional Living.  As Jim Rohn describes it—a person who says he doesn’t do his best in just one area of his life—is fooling himself.  A behavior—good or bad—trickles into all areas of a person’s life.

So today I decided to turn a rotting fish into lemonade by creating a blog.  The principle I used is from Dale Carnegie’s book, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living, Part 4:  Try to profit from your losses.

When you try to profit from your losses– you will grow as a person, discover new opportunities and find happiness even in the most unpleasant of circumstances.