365 Days of Living the Dale Carnegie Principles
Day 68. Wednesday, June 1, 2011
I distinctly remember Tuesday September 27, 2010. Dale Carnegie’s first principle “don’t criticize, condemn or complain” was smashed on my head.
Make lemonade
Fast forward to today. I had a meeting with an individual named Pablo. I prepared for this meeting carefully. Part of me dreaded it. I didn’t want to put Pablo through the experience I went through in September. Our circumstances surrounding the meetings are entirely different but if there’s one thing I have learned—criticizing, condemning and complaining does not motivate anyone to work harder. It creates resentment. It hurts a person’s pride. It does not create a positive environment. Making lemonade from such a sour event is possible—but it doesn’t happen easily or immediately.
Before walking into the meeting with Pablo I reviewed Dale Carnegie principles from How to Win Friends and Influence People and How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. I even said a prayer before entering the conference room. I want Pablo to succeed. I do not want to beat him down. I do want to encourage, help him grow and reach his potential because he is a good employee. People are all wired differently and need to be managed accordingly. I cannot expect Pablo to change—so knowing his work habits I can adapt my management skills to bring out the best in him.
We went through some plans for the next quarter. I outlined some new ideas and opportunities where I think his talents will flourish. I gave him specific directions, deadlines and encouragement. I invited questions and called attention to some concerns indirectly. The meeting last a half hour and ended on a good note.
There are multiple principles used in this scenario but the main one I’d like to focus on is from How to Win Friends and Influence People:
Principle 17. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
Another way of stating Principle 17—practice empathy. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Acknowledge a person is human and has feelings. Once you do that—you can implement the other principles. Point out mistakes indirectly. Set reasonable goals and give the person a good reputation to live up to. The goal is not to beat a person down with a stick especially when he/she has demonstrated in the past that he/she is a good employee. When you do this—the results are employees/friends/family members/etc that are willing to apply themselves toward achieving a goal because you have indicated you have confidence in their ability. This is far better than beating a person with a stick and scratching your head wondering why they still aren’t performing well.
Housekeeping / Notes:
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